Normality Restored
by sesshywesshy
Summary: How Inuyasha would probably have begun had Kagome been a normal schoolgirl, instead of a sweet, lovable manga character. Parody/Humor drabble.


**Full summary:** How Inuyasha would probably have begun had Kagome been a normal schoolgirl, instead of a sweet, lovable manga character. Parody/Humor drabble.

**A/N: **Well. I got to thinking one day about Inuyasha and how I seriously needed to update my fanfiction and all of a sudden I found myself writing this.

Because Inuyasha is fictional, Kagome had to adjust rather quickly to the predicament she found herself in. But because this is a fanfiction by an expert procrastinator, I'll attempt to portray how Kagome may have been if she were a _real_ human being.

(Okay, so she probably wouldn't act like this even if she were in the same situation, but it's meant to be humourous, so …)

I don't remember the first couple of chapters at all, so bear with me if I get all the stuff wrong. The basic storyline is the same, though. (I hope). After all, this is a fanfiction. It's not _supposed_ to be like the original manga. (:

Just a drabble. Enjoy!

(JENNY: this is to appease you. :D)

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Inuyasha, so put the subpoenas down!

**Normality Restored**

* * *

It was a sunny afternoon. Birds were singing, squirrels were being squirrel-y, and Kagome Higurashi was walking home from school, humming to herself and listening to Adam Lambert on her iPod. It was a normal school day. She'd hung out with Yuka and her other friends, and managed to escape Hojo, thankfully.

"Higurashi-san!"

Or maybe not.

"Hi, Hojo-kun!" She made her eyes into little squinty lines as best as she could and turned her mouth into a smiley parabola.

"Nice to see you so cheerful today." He grinned widely as he caught up with her.

"Isn't it?" Kagome ground out through her teeth, struggling to keep her eyes squinty and happy. It _was_ rather hard to see, though. Hojo grabbed her and helped her sidestep a lamp that she'd nearly walked into.

"Careful there," He cautioned gallantly, turning a bit red at the fact that he had _actually_ held her hand.

"Oh, thank you." She opened her eyes to prevent further accidents, and thanked him sincerely, smiling a true smile this time.

"It's no problem. Er – anytime!" Hojo glanced down at their linked hands again.

And again.

So Kagome tugged her hand free gently and glanced at the nonexistent watch on her wrist. "Oh no! It's almost time for me to – uh – eat dinner! Toodles!"

And she whizzed off, leaving a cloud of dust behind her.

Hojo shook some dust out of his hair. He glanced at his own (real) watch. "It's only four. Well, I guess the Higurashi's eat early!"

And making little squinty lines out of his own eyes, he set off cheerfully.

* * *

"Phew." Kagome tugged off her shoes and stepped into the house. "I'm ho-OOF!"

Something short and bony with hair as dark as her own hurtled into her stomach with a bloodcurdling war cry.

"Uppercut!" Souta cried and pretended to bash her chin with his puny fist. She grabbed it easily and tossed him aside, where he fell into a pile of cushions.

"Hey!" He complained, struggling to free himself from the evil cushions that held him captive. "Not fair!"

"Neither was you taking me by surprise," She reproached, waggling her finger – and her eyebrows – at him. "From your unruly behaviour, I'm assuming mom isn't home yet."

"No."  
"Wanna go bother grandpa?"

"YEAH!"

So they skipped into their grandfather's room and peppered him with increasingly ridiculous questions about mysterious jewels and youkai and stuff.

After about half an hour of this Souta got bored and went to poke at their fat cat, Buyo, instead.

Kagome endured another five minutes of her grandfather's droning and then went to join him. They annoyed Buyo until the obese cat finally worked up the energy to heave himself up and …

… run straight into the well house.

"Oh, shitsicles!" Kagome popped to her feet and chased after him, expecting to see his fat butt disappearing down the dry well within the old shack and splatting Buyo-guts all over the bottom.

But she didn't see him.

She also didn't see the ladder lying so inconspicuously right in front of the mouth of the well. As it was, she tripped, waved her arms dramatically for a few milliseconds, then tumbled into the darkness.

"_I … I want the jewwweeel."_

"Huh. Waitwut? Hold on a second." Kagome opened her eyes to see … nothing. Well, nothing except this huge bug-centipede-demon-thing in front of her. It looked relatively evil, but after all, she was bound to have hurt her head falling into the well like that.

It couldn't be real.

The centipede twisted its huge body, snapping razor sharp pincers at her.

Okay, those looked pretty real to her.

"_Give me… the _jewel_._"

"What jewel?" Kagome scratched her head and glanced around the dark limbo she was floating in. Nope, no jewels in sight. She nearly laughed at the innuendo, but then the centipede-thing darted forward, mouth open and ready to swallow her whole.

"Oh, shitsicles," Kagome grunted. She flailed her legs and just managed to give the centipede a kick in the nose, the pincer missing her ankle by inches. While it recoiled in pain, she waved her arms and legs around, trying to propel herself through the darkness.

"Heeeeeelp," She wailed. The ginormous bug lunged forward again.

She squeezed her eyes shut and –

"Kagome? You alright?"

She opened her eyes again to bright daylight streaming in from the doorway. Souta was leaning over the edge of the well, staring at her. "Kagome?"

"S-Souta?"

"Yeah. Are you okay, sis?"

… So the giant centipede _had_ been a hallucination after all. An aftereffect of falling so abruptly into the well. Cue the sigh of relief. Scrunching up her face, Kagome moved her arms and legs experimentally. "Mm… everything seems to be working. Get me out of here, Souta."

"But – how?" The boy wailed, staring around for help. "Say what, I'll go get grandpa -"

"Grandpa?!" Kagome giggled. "I don't think grandpa could help. At all. The dude must be 90."

"You've got a point there." Souta muttered thoughtfully.

"Use the ladder to get me out," She ordered her brother, remembering the very item that had sent her hurtling into the well in the first place.

"What ladder?"

"I tripped over it; I know it's there. It's at the foot of the well."

He looked down. "Oh, _this_ ladder."

About half a century later the skinny little boy _finally_ managed to heave the ladder into the well. Kagome climbed up and shakily tumbled onto the ground above.

"Oh, the sweet air!" She cried. "Souta, I thought I'd lost you forever!" And she enveloped him in a gigantic huggle.

"Jeez, sis." He wriggled out of her embrace and stumbled out of reach. "I'm going inside to play my PSP. Bye."

Kagome frowned and dusted off her sleeves. "Kids." She huffed. The hug may have been a dramatic exaggeration on her part, but it was also partially real. She'd been scared shitless by that centipede thing. Thank god it was just a hallucination – no doubt a result of a concussion or some other head injury.

Wasn't it?

Glancing back at the well, she realized that Souta had left the ladder inside. Sighing and grumbling, she trudged back, grabbed the end of the ladder and heaved it upwards.

It didn't budge.

She glanced into the well, frowning.

Well, no _wonder_ it hadn't moved. There was a huge centipede-demon-thing clinging onto the end.

"OHMYGODSHITSICLES_HELPMEEE_!" Kagome shrieked.

And then she was sent flying into the well once again.

* * *

The first thing Kagome noticed when she awoke was how soft the ground was. She was lying on a forest floor, carpeted with grass. Pushing herself up and staring around her, she spotted the well just a few metres away from her. Swearing under her breath, she scrabbled at the ground for a few moments, hauled herself up and ran over.

It was just a dry well, with dirt and twigs layering the bottom. No centipedes. No darkness. No jewels – well, at least _that_ had remained constant.

She glanced dubiously into the well again. It may seem innocent now, but after her encounters with wells today, she did _not_ feel like going back in there.

But… why was there grass? The only grass in her family's shrine was surrounding the area, there was none near or in the well house.

And then she noticed the trees.

"Wow…"

These were some _bigass _trees. They looked like they'd eaten all the little trees and just kept on growing.

Where _was_ she?

She didn't recognize any of this. Her surroundings were completely unfamiliar. This place even smelled different, it felt different – it _was_ different – in every aspect. At that second, she knew she wasn't anywhere near her family's shrine.

A flash of red caught her eye.

Kagome glanced over.

Oh, nevermind, it was just a guy in red stuck to a tree with an arrow-

Hold on. What?

Hey look, he had ears.

She pinched herself. "Ow."

She shook her head and blinked and looked around but there was no change – there was a boy with ears stuck to a tree with an arrow in him.

So she walked towards him, tripping over tree roots. He may have had an arrow in him, but perhaps if she helped him, he would help her in return.

"Uh…" As she got nearer, she realized something odd. There was no blood coming from his wound. Maybe it was the red from his odd, old-fashioned outfit that hid it, but as far as she could see the arrow just poked cleanly through his haori, his shoulder, and then into the tree on the other side. She figured it must be a fake arrow – some kind of act, maybe? Looking around for cameras, she drew still closer.

She recognized the clothes – they were from feudal Japan. As for the ears… a solution presented itself in her rather shocked and muddled mind.

"Oh boy," Kagome said happily, reaching out to touch his ears. "This is some real spiffy cosplay, man!"

His eyes sprang open. They were the prettiest amber. Then he opened his mouth, revealing sharp fangs.

"Kikyo! I'm gonna fuckin' kill ya!"

"Holy – " She drew her fingers back hurriedly. "I'm not Kikyo."

Dog-boy then drew back a bit from where he was trying to bite her nose off and stared at her face. He sniffed the air. "Huh. That's true. You don't smell like her, I realize that now."

"I… I smell?" She nervously sniffed her own armpits, hoping it wasn't _too_ strong. Had she washed her hair yesterday?

"All humans _stink_, idiot."

"Including you – so don't say it like such a derogatory thing."

"I'm not human."

"Say what?"

"I said, I'm not human. I'm a half youkai. Jeez, you deaf or what?"

"You're a whatsit? A youkai? Half?"

And then she burst out laughing.

"What?" He strained at his bonds irritably.

"Ahaha – nothing," She mumbled between gasps for air. She pointed at him, wiping away tears of mirth. "It's just that you sound like my grandpa, with all this crap about youkai. Seriously, if you're a fantasy nerd, just come out and say it, m'kay?"

The guy then snapped at her face with his fangs and growled incoherently. Words like 'kikyo' and 'murder' and all that shizz.

"What's your problem, dude?"

"You speak oddly, wench."

She kneed him in the stomach. "Shut up. You call me that again and next time my knee will hit just a _tad_ lower."

He would have doubled up if he could, but unfortunately he was tied to a tree with an arrow in his shoulder. "Yeah, we- I mean…"

"Just 'master' will be fine," She said airily.

"As if!"

Kagome raised her knee pointedly.

"… okay."

"Okay, _master._"

He smirked. "There's no need to call me 'master', _wench_."

She rolled her eyes and let him have it.

"_Oof._ You bitch!"

"I warned you."

The young man strained against the vines that held him on the tree and growled at her, low and fierce. "I may seem harmless now, wench. But I promise you, when I get out of here, I will come after you so hard and so fast that before you know what hit you, you'll be fucking _dead_."

Kagome raised an eyebrow. "Tough talk for a guy in cosplay. Did you know you have an arrow in your shoulder? It actually looks pretty real."

"That's because it _is_ real." He grinned nastily. "Tell you what. Try pulling it out. See what happens."

Kagome thought for a second. Oh well. If the arrow came out, it came out. No harm done, right? She reached forward, her fingers just brushing the shaft.

"**ROARR**."

Dog-boy's ears flicked. "Shit!"

"What was that?" Kagome turned – just in time to a see a huge centipede burst out of the well and head… straight towards her.

"Quick, pull out the arrow, pullitoutpullitout!" The young man behind her jerked violently against his restraints. "WENCH!" He bellowed.

But she was too busy standing in a stunned silence. _That thing was real?!_

"_WENCH!_"

"What?!" She shrieked, turning round so fast her hair whipped at his face. "There's a big centipede-thing bearing down on us, I have no idea where the hell I am and I said don't call me wench! _My name is Kagome, goddamnit!_"

"Whatever. Pull the arrow out, now!"

"No!" She pouted.

"This isn't the time for stubbornness, bitch. I said _now!_"

"Say please."

"Wha – _no!_"

"…" She folded her arms pointedly.

"**Rawwwr**," went the centipede, coming ever closer, crushing twigs and branches and small animals along the way.

The young man glared at her, torn between his pride and his life. "Shit. Fine. Please!"

Grinning triumphantly, she reached forward and –

WHAM.

Three things happened at once.

One, the centipede reached out its icky pincer-protrusion and smashed her to the side.

Two, an arrow thudded into the tree just inches from the young man's ear. It flicked irritably. (The ear, not the arrow.)

Three, somebody's voice echoed through the clearing they were in. It said, "Inuyasha, I will never allow ye to be free!"

"Huh?" Kagome rolled to her feet, feeling her side with and wince and spitting ferns out of her mouth. Her blue eyes searched out the old woman standing at the other side of the clearing, bow on hand.

"Whoa, old lady! Those things are dangerous!" She blurted out before she could stop herself.

"My name is Kaede, girl. I suggest ye step away from the youkai."

"But – but there's a big centipede bearing down on me."

"Run, ye stupid git, run!"

So she ran.

She ran towards the big huge tree. The centipede, sensing her movement, snaked its way over and started creeping round the other side. So Kagome edged away from it around the tree to find herself facing Inuyasha again.

"Pull the stupid arrow out, you stupid wench!"

"Girl, no!"

"**Raoooor.**"

"Oh, to hell with this!" Kagome shrieked. And with that, she wrapped her fingers around the arrow and yanked it out.

Something very loud and very bright exploded in the clearing. It sent Kagome back into the brush and the old lady into a berry bush. Milliseconds later Kagome pulled her head out of a bunch of vegetation for the second time and stared in awe as a red blur flashed towards the centipede. She'd never realized the boy had claws. He gouged deep furrows into the chest of the creature, and within seconds it was reduced into bloody lumps of flesh littered across the clearing.

And then the demon-boy turned his hard amber eyes on her.

"Oh…" She backed away. "Shiii-"

As he smiled toothily, revealing his fangs, and stalked towards her with the air of a predator cornering prey, Kagome spotted the old lady signaling wildly from behind his back. She quirked an eyebrow. Was Kaede in her right mind? The woman _was_ old, after all. But then Kaede held up a large necklace consisting of beads and fangs and motioned that she should throw it over dog boy's neck.

Kagome quirked the other eyebrow. What a deranged person.

But the guy – Inuyasha, that was what the woman had called him, right? – was bearing down on her awfully fast, and it wasn't like she had much of a choice anyway.

So she nodded firmly, and before Inuyasha caught wind of what was going on, a necklace was sailing through the air. Kagome lunged wildly, managed to catch it, and flung it at him as he caught on quickly and plunged towards her. Luck was on her side – for _once_ – and the necklace fell neatly around his neck.

… Nothing happened.

"Subdue him, girl!" Kaede called from the other side of the clearing.

"I – huh – wut?!" Kagome shrieked back as Inuyasha fingered the necklace with a clawed hand, bit on a bead and then deemed it harmless, deciding instead to resume his leisurely activity of stalking her.

"Subdue him!"

"I don't get it!"

And then Inuyasha decided to attack.

He looked so much like a dog at that moment that – "SIT!"

And he was sent flying facefirst into the dirt.

"Goddamnit, woman. What was that?!"

The tables were suddenly turned. The predator was being forced to smash his own face into the ground at her command. Kagome was ecstatic. "Eat dirt," She sniggered. "Sit."

It happened again, harder this time. Inuyasha shook clods of soil out of his pretty silver locks and glared fiercely at her. "Wench. Just you wait."

He lunged, and – "SIT!"

BAM.

"_Fuck!_"

* * *

When Inuyasha had been 'sat' about five hundred times, he finally learnt to obey. Kaede left him tethered to a tree outside the village and took Kagome into a hut to treat the small gash the centipede had left in her side.

As she washed the blood gently away from the wound, something glittered. Something round. Something shiny. Something –

"Ye Gods," The woman whispered, lifting said something from the cut.

"Huh?" Kagome strained from her lying position to see what Kaede was looking at. "What?"

"The _jewel_."

_Oh, not the friggin' jewel again!_ "Will you guys please tell me what this _jewel_ is now?" Kagome whimpered. "I've been hearing about it all day and it bothers me to _hell_ and back."

"The Shikon jewel. Jewel of a thousand souls. It – "

A memory twigged in the girl's brain. "Oh right. I think I've heard my grandpa talking about it before. Some kind of awesome jewel with awesome powers."  
"Aye, girl."

"Have fun with it, then. I'm afraid I won't be staying."

Kagome really was getting sick of all this. Honestly, falling into a well – twice – nearly getting eaten by a huge centipede youkai – _twice_ – and getting assaulted by a deranged dog-boy!?

Ridiculous.

This wasn't even her home.

So she lifted the blanket off her side, fixed up her hair, allowed Kaede to finish up the dressings for her wound, and thanked her for the help. She 'sat' Inuyasha one more time on her way to the well just for the fun of it ("Dammit, wench!"), and, upon reaching it, peered into the dusty interior.

_Oh well. No guts, no glory._

"Adios!" she bid them cheerily, as she stepped over the side and vanished.

Back in Sengoku Jidai, Kaede and Inuyasha stared at each other blankly. "What did she say?"

* * *

Kagome climbed out of the well, sighing as normal, _earth_ air flowed over her. Ah. Back home. No more centipedes, dog boys or freaky old ladies. Normality restored! She was back home! Wun-der-fuuu!

_Meow._

She looked down and spotted Buyo curled contentedly around her ankles. As she giggled and reached down to pet him, he uncurled himself and put his paws on the mouth of the well, peering down with a curious 'mew?'

"Oh no, Buyo. Bad cat. That's a bad well. Trust me, you don't want to go near that thing." She leaned further to scoop him up, intent on carrying him out of the well house and then vowing never to enter the blasted place again.

But Buyo had other ideas.

For such a fat cat, he could move amazingly fast. He managed to twist her around and tie herself into knots as he slipped away from her outstretched fingertips. When he looked back, Kagome swore she could see a catty grin spread across his plump face.

"Damnit, Buyo. Come here!" She swore and lunged for him. He skipped out of the way, leaving her wondering how the _hell_ he moved all his weight that fast. And then she realized she'd tripped over a ladder. Lying so inconspicuously at the foot of the well.

She had time for one more '_OH, SHITSICLES'_ before she was sent tumbling back into darkness.

**

* * *

A/N:** And thus Inuyasha _really_ began. :P

What a day for poor Kags!

I hope you liked it! It was a random brainspazz that turned into something I really uber enjoyed writing. I know it's rushed but I still like it.

(JENNY: there is also plenty of stuff in there for you to xiang wai about. Don't worry. I JUST realized it. Too bad I'm too lazy to change it :P)

**I like reviews**.

Thanks for readings, guys (:

UnImpossible.  
(Yes, I have changed my username. It makes me happy and in the mood for writing.)


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